This is my story. My culture is kind of traditional, the social stigmas are strong in the society not as bad as 20 years ago, but we still have stigmas and stereotypes.
For so many years, I strongly believed that I didn’t want to be a mother. I wanted to remain single forever. I have some friends that never had children and they travelled a lot; they hang out with friends all the time and have a lot of fun. They feel and act like the forever young.
In those years, I had dated a guy for more than a decade who was in on the same page as me. He was so focused on his career and was a social butterfly.
The time went by in blink of an eye, and I was already on in my thirties. I started looking at babies like the most beautiful creatures and, for some reason, I saw a lot of pregnant women everywhere. Probably, I wasn’t aware of pregnant women or babies in my surroundings before, but I was now.
It took me a lot of time to realize and accept that I wanted to be a mom so bad, but I was afraid for not knowing if I was going to be able to be a good mommy. I only knew that I had so much love to give. I had a deep conversation with this forever young guy (actually, he wasn’t that young), he was surprised to hear my desires and tried to assure me that I was ok just the way I was. He believed that I wouldn’t have freedom anymore if I have a little one depending on me. After that conversation, we had a few more for a couple years with no conclusion or commitments until I decided that I was going to become a single mom by choice. I broke up with the forever-young guy. I was determinate to do it by myself.
I asked my gynecologist who was also certified as a fertility specialist how he could assist me in the Assisted Reproduction Institution. He explained me with details the entire process of Artificial Insemination (AI) and he also provided me with brochures, links to read and invited me to visit the Institute. It was pricy.
I went home and read all the info, I googled much more and booked an appointment to visit the Institute. I still had lots of questions for my doctor who became my friend in the entire process.
If I didn’t have a sperm donor. There were sperm banks available. I was amazed with a diversity of catalogues, some of them national, national plus and some of them international and international plus. The donors are supposed to go through a general check-up and a doctor makes sure they do not have any degenerative and progressive illnesses in their families. You can get general information from the donor such as the donor number, race, height, weight, eye color, hair type and color, occupation, and religion. You could pay an extra fee if you want to see a picture from the donor when he was a toddler.
The first thing I did was sharing the big news to with my closest friends, my mom and dad (they live in different countries). My parents were not happy with my decision. I had only one friend who supported my decision because she was going to infertility treatment (I didn’t know at the time) and the rest of my friends couldn’t understand and were not supportive at all.
I understood that if I was going to continue with the idea of becoming a single mom, I wouldn’t have a network who could support me. Even though the procedure was so expensive and I didn’t have much support, I decided to do it.
I was so excited and scared at the same time. I started eating heathy and organic while I was taking a lot of medication to stimulate my ovaries to ovulate and vitamins. I was a big hormone with legs. I was so emotional, irritable, and sensitive. I was going to the Institute to have ultrasounds twice a week to check if I was ready to have the procedure.
After some weeks, I was ready finally. I picked the donor number, and they did it. I had my first Artificial Insemination, it was like having a pap smear, the only difference was to stay still for 45 minutes in the uncomfortable position with my legs up. Then, the waiting game was on to find out if the procedure worked out or not.
After 21 days, I went to the lab to get blood works. The same day, I got my period which meant that I wasn’t pregnant. The next day, my doctor got the results confirming that. I got super upset. It had been an exhausting journey physically, mentally, and emotionally. It was so tough, I felt like I was grieving for something or someone. It was so weird and heartbreaking.
It took me months to feel ok again. Then, I tried for the second time. It didn’t work again, and it took me even longer to face my reality. My doctor did more test to on me, and even a hysterosalpingography was done. Everything seems to be ok. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to try one more time. Emotionally, I was devastated.
Then, I had an accident where I had to be in a wheelchair for a few months. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it one more time. I didn’t want to go through the same journey again, but I knew deep inside I needed to try for the last time. My savings were almost gone but I decided it to do it.
After the third insemination was done, I didn’t want to have any expectations. I was doing my life normally. Two weeks later I got my period and I got upset but I was trying to hide my emotions and feelings. I worked overtime and tried to keep busy myself. My doctor called me 3 weeks later, I told him it didn’t work because I got my period again. He insisted to get the blood works anyway. I went to the lab the same day and my doctor called me the next day to tell me the big news. I was pregnant. I couldn’t understand how come I was pregnant if I still had my period, but it wasn’t my period, I was bleeding.
I stayed in bed for the entire pregnancy. It was an atypical pregnancy; I didn’t have any cravings and I didn’t have any morning sickness. I had insomnia, so I read a lot and watched lots of movies in on Netflix. It was a high-risk pregnancy, I never stopped bleeding. In fact, I had 4 severe bleedings where I had to be in the hospital for a couple weeks. I did everything to keep my baby until he was born on October 18, 2016 by emergency c-section. I was blessed to be a mom. I felt so tired and happy. The adventure was just beginning for me.